Tips for Raising Step Children
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Written by: jackiemanheim
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Date: Wed, 22 Jun 2011 |
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Step children are not always excited to have a new step parent in their lives, therefore you need to understand this and move cautiously in this relationship. It's often a painful adjustment for kids, who may have recently lost a parent, through either death or divorce, recently. No matter what the circumstances, raising step children is a situation that takes patience and adaptability.
Basically, how old your stepchildren are will determine how you interact with them. A very young child will more easily adapt to you as their "parent" than an older child. Go online and talk on the forums to other people who have assumed the role of stepparent to prepare yourself for the responsibilities you will be assuming. It's not unusual for someone who becomes a step-parent to older children to become their companion and mentor more so than their parent. The prime parenting duties of older children, in particular teen-agers, will remain with the original parent and the new stepparent will be more of support to the original parent. To be sure, each family faced with these same circumstances will have different needs, but the age of the stepchildren will be the deciding factor in how you handle your step-parenting role.
The first thing you need to do is begin to show some sort of interest in what the step children are doing. By doing this, you will prove to them that you care enough to look at what they are doing every day. You should make it a point to know how they're doing in school, what their interests are, who their friends are and so forth. These inquiries will make you less of a stranger in their house and someone that might be worth their time and focus.
This isn't that difficult, but it's something you have to pay attention to. By showing them that you are interested in their lives, it might open them up to more dialogue and further interactions. If you stay consistent, your efforts to build this relationship will prevail, even though they may act as if they do not care.
While your role as a step parent is important, you should recognize that your relationship with your new partner is your primary focus. That's why you should be willing to play a secondary role in the lives of the children, especially in the beginning. Although you may never reach the actual role of being a parent, at least they will accept you more as time progresses. To make this as easy as possible, simply be a helpful figure in your role until you are accepted at some point by the stepchildren. Your new role in their family is just as difficult for them to adjust to as it is for you to adjust to their presence in your life.
In conclusion, bringing children into a new marriage is never easy and will offer challenges above and beyond those of starting a new marriage without children. More and more people are being cast in the role of stepparent due to the high divorce rate and the fact that some people marry later in life to someone who already has children. Flexibility and patience are the keys to successfully functioning in a new family environment. Learning how to bond with step-kids is one of the most important skill sets to learn.
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Source: Tips for Raising Step Children
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